Happy, I know what you are saying. There is enough good in my dysfunctional extended family for me to want to keep them in my life, but in a limited way. I am working hard on protecting myself with boundaries. I think in this case it is good to future trip, as long as it is done in a productive way, like making a plan. "If this happens, then I will do this . . . ." My boundaries do not have to be communicated to anyone. Only I have to be privy to them. Something I read on this forum really was an "aha" moment to me. It said allowing people to abuse you, is a form of self-abuse. So, I am trying my best to say good-bye to this and other forms of self-abuse.