Happybeingme, I over think things like this too. So I totally understand where you're coming from. I think the others are just telling you how they have been able to handle their own situations with dysfunctional families, that is all.
I used to engage more with my family, especially when my grandmother and mother were still alive. Now that they are gone, I rarely go back to visit anymore. I live about 3.5 hours north of my entire family and prefer it this way. However, I do make a rare visit to my grandfather and father ONLY for the sake of seeing them while still alive. I no longer have hopes of sanity or healthy family interactions. I'm 37 and have learned that they are just incapable of getting out of their own dysfunction in order to bridge a gap. They never see their part in things, it's all on me. And that burden is too much for me, and one that I just don't need to bear anymore.
When I do go see them, I try to work on stilling my mind, relaxation, distraction from repetitive negative thoughts... and I stick to "I" statements. Owning my own truth. I try not to justify myself or my actions to them. I no longer seek validation. And I let them interrupt and run all over me, because guess what... I can not control what they say or do. And they do inevitably interrupt me, finish my sentences and focus on themselves. So, that is what I have to be willing to be around if I choose to see them.
Acceptance of the way they are has been a long time coming. Feeling alone, unheard, invalidated, misunderstood... that is how I've always felt around them. So these days, I choose not to place myself there very often.
Good luck!