Hey Meggem.. Last night after everything that happened the first thing I did was log on to SR and reread my previous threads.. And you know what it confirmed? Nothing changes, if nothing changes... No matter how hard it may be, we must do what is best for ourselves and our children… If not, we will be held prisoner of our own lives.. Life is so much more- we deserve to serenity and to be happy and free of constant worryment and pain.. I went through complete instanty with my son’s father from the time I was 16-26… I lost all those years of my life chasing, pleading with him to stop using and doing all that I can to save him… The hard truth is, there isn’t one thing we can do to prevent someone from using…Just like there isn’t anything anyone else can do to save us.. It lies within and when someone wants to change bad enough they will..Save yourself… Save your children from going through the repetative cycle.. Save your energy, your life, your serenity and happiness.. Because that is all in your control… Girl, I am exactly where you are and know exactly how you are feeling… I have been here before and never ever thought I was going to be ok and guess what I was wrong.. I didn’t want to live and almost gave up my life because I didn’t want to feel my feelings of sadness, lonliness, despair and abandonment.. After awhile I found Alanon and it literally saved my life.. If you don’t go to Alanon, I suggest it very much so… I’m 31 years old and just began rebuilding myself, loving myself and getting back my life that I gave away as young teenager/mother… I almost fell back into another destructive relationship and can’t even explain how grateful I am to find the courage to catch myself before it was too late… Why I thought things would be different with this guy- Lord only knows.. It doesn’t matter the person, gender, age, etc.. If they are active in their addiction and you are in their way- they will suck you dry of everything.. Financially, emotionally, whatever.. They are sick and so are we, but the only ones we can help is ourselves… Let’s do this together, one day at a time.. Feel free to message me, it will help me as well.. I know it isn’t going to be easy, but it will be worth it and the sooner we make changes, everything else around will also… Stay strong xoxox