I think her mom and yours both push the "children without a father are at such a disadvantage" agenda because they chose to stay in a ****** marriage and they need to justify that to themselves, somehow. To feel good about their choice. My friend told her mom, "Mom -- you made the choice to stay with dad, and that was your choice. I'm not criticizing that, so please don't criticize my choice to leave my children's abusive father. At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to live with my decision just like you're the one who has to live with yours."
Absolutely. And surprisingly once I left my alcoholic marriage, my mom started talking openly with me and my sisters about why she never left my dad, although she should have. Her answer: He was a good provider.
This was after crying to me multiple times about how we'd never had a divorce in our family (not true) and how I would be the first to "fail".
All this time it was about her own failure and what it would mean if one of us chose differently, how it would reflect on her choices, and how that affected us, etc.
Now she's all over me about how I can't date, presumably ever again, because it will ruin the children.