Originally Posted by
lillamy 
I hear other women my age (middle aged) say "it's so nice to not give a f*** what other people think about me anymore"
I'm finally getting to that stage in my life and it does feel GOOD. Still have work to do, but getting there.
I grew up the same way, being nice to people for validation. Stemmed from abandonment wounds. If I'm nice to X, X will like me, and I'll have more friends. More friends = less chance of abandonment. Something like that.
Not that we shouldn't be nice to people or help others. We should. Just not at the expense of being used and abused by people who are users and abusers. That's the trap that leads to codependency, IMHO. Or at least it was for me.