Thank you for that! Its very true!
Have you read "Co-Dependent No More" ? Theres some stuff in there about this. Since I've started reading the book I have been letting myself be more honest with my feelings. And like you said, letting them roll in and then letting them go is healthy. Because once you are done feeling that fear, anxiety and sadness...eventually relief, joy, and peace will come in.
I have panic disorder/social anxiety so even if I say something even a little awkward I feel things like quilt or anger. I'm learning that I need to be me. People will either accept it or they won't, I can't change me for them. ABF can't change him for me. We have to learn that its okay to be ourselves