Yes I agree T. We can live with Ya Buts all we want but they only tie us to the problem. It's our responsibility to mature and move on staying away from parents that are negative and injurious. When I was healing I read a lot. I read stories of torture victims and WWII survivors. How they put the past behind them and moved on to successful happy lives was of particular interest. If they could do it, having an entire regime trying to destroy them, and I only had 2 parents and some siblings out to mess me up, made me realize it was MY JOB and my job alone. No one was to fix it but ME. It was my decision to be healthy and happy. I leaned on God and many resources and succeeded. But I never had the good parents that cared and participated. They didn't heal, they continued on their toxic ways until my A Dad was 80 and finally in lock up treatment. That was a lifetime. I am so glad I didn't wait for them to apologize and fix anything. I didn't live my life wanting them to either. I got on with my own life and my own happiness.
Please try it, you can do it.