Queenapple, I completely understand where you are coming from. This is exactly what I hope to make happen over the next few weeks. She appears to be devastated even to consider the idea that she is not coming home soon. It is heartbreaking to enforce these boundaries, but she has yet to demonstrate any behavior that would warrant a change in strategy.
Biminiblue - I completely agree that using the house as a pawn in some game is wholly inappropriate. My "card to play" metaphor simply meant that if I were to sell the house now, it would be interpreted by her differently than I would intend. The idea of downsizing was originally just a musing on my part - i.e. something to consider at some point in the distant future if she is unable to get her act together, because for better or worse, I do have some associations of her problems with this house. This is simply a trivial, minor concern, I have no time, energy, or thought to put into it at the moment - let's let it go.