Have you accepted that alcohol and you don't mix and you cannot drink again? I found most people in this limbo stage, agnostic to secular or non secular programs tend to struggle with accepting the finality of the solution. All of these programs being discussed and suggested require abstinence to work and for an addict (I am broadly including alcoholic here) the romance of one day returning to the drink is a damn tough idea to give up. Until you do, then AA, AVRT, SMART, Lifering all of these are going to present their own challenges. But none of them are the problem its perhaps your unwillingness to accept the finality that is creating the true struggle, disguised by the program or rogue member. This was at least the case for me in terms of acceptance. I then found I craft or adopt a program that suits what I needed to fit my ideation and lifestyle.