Venus, dont you worry about giving your thoughts on this! Its great that we can do this. I know where you come from, and I appreciate your input! We are buds, here, and can have different beliefs.
I wish we could sit down and talk. It escalates, every time. He wont consider anything negative about his self. He will not take any blame, til the cows come home. That is why I am pushing for the therapy for him. I really believe he needs it, especially if he does not leave my home. Nothing I say has any weight. He needs to be evaluated and helped.
I am not throwing him out. That did not work before, so my tough love is really not that 'tough'. For him, yes, he may lose internet for a while... if he cannot survive that, there is much more wrong and he needs a crisis to bring intervention, anyway, you know?
From a few remarks he made last night, I think he might go for help. Kicking and screaming, as usual, but he would get a lot from having someone who listens, understands, and is wise and someone he can trust not to be manipulating him..as he thinks I am trying to do.
I am only going to cut the internet if he won't go for help. If he reacts badly to that, I can have him evaluated for a few days, and then if he is diagnosed with something that qualifies for disability, he can file for that and then perhaps get help with housing, meds, food assistance...
just something has to change, you know?
sometimes I think its ok to force something, in hopes of something good coming of it. I know I cannot make him change, but if I can get him to listen to someone else for a little while, perhaps he will find that he can do this without losing his dignity.
And Venus, its sad to say, but if we talk and he comes up with a plan, he will not keep his word. If I give an inch, he takes a mile.
He agreed when he came here that he would get some counselling. he was desperate at that time and miserable. He threw me a bone, went for eval, and did not follow through. I should have done this way back when.. but my soft heart for my children tried to believe in his excuses. his drinking loses his jobs when he gets them.
the end justifies the means..... I am hoping.
Oh, and when I say, 'This is not working', he accuses me of being neurotic, basically.
but I am listening to everything you are saying, love... and I love you for caring.
no more engaging in arguments for me.. I knew better, but hoped that we could talk about it. he just wants to change my mind.
love you!