Welcome aboard. As a career binge drinker, in my experience moderation for someone like us is simply not possible. The only way our brains relate to alcohol is in massive quantities often consumed over a short period of time. Regular blackouts are the hallmark of binge drinking past the point of no return, I went through it too. Sounds like you have plenty of sober experience in the past year to build on, you just need to let go of the idea of ever being able to moderate. In some ways you will feel more free if you do... I have so far