Wow, I cannot believe how much support you have all just given me in such a short period of time! Thank you so much!!!! I can't even say how much I needed to hear such kind supportive words tonight.
There is another piece to my story that I forgot to mention. It gives me hope, and helps me know that I can do this cold turkey with no medical supervision. I have taken several long breaks from alcohol in the past year. The idea was to take a break, then slowly re-introduce alcohol so that I could learn moderation. I have never consciously decided to quit permanently until now, but in the past year I have taken I think 4 or 5 breaks, fully and 100% alcohol-free: 3 breaks that lasted about 6 weeks each, 2 or 3 that lasted about a month each, and then countless failed attempts to stop. I never thought I would quit for good though. I never thought I would need to. Maybe it was my mind/body/spirit/whatever testing the waters, or trying desperately to get free.
This is also part of why my blackouts have been increasing and my tolerance has dropped so much. When drink again after those breaks, of course I believe that I can finally drink in moderation. But I can't. I just can't. I binge as usual and I have to admit that I love it for about two hours---and then all of a sudden I'm waking up still a little drunk a few hours later or the next morning, looking for another beer and freaking out about what I might have said or done.
I'm not religious, but tonight I took a moment to thank God that I'm still alive. I could have killed myself on so many occasions. I cannot believe the amount of alcohol my body has processed in the past.