Originally Posted by
GerandTwine 
Boudicca,
Congratulations on this speedy and popular thread.
I think Soberlicious' post #6 here is a great response. I would only add that while you learn about the Addictive Voice expressed in other people, in Institutions, and in Societal "Norms", make sure to keep a creative vigilance against your own Addictive Voice. How might your own Beast try to use your "irritation" or your "insensitivity" or what is "disturbing" to you to get you to drink again. For me, I would actually attribute those very feelings and responses to my Beast and not to myself. "Hah!" I would say to IT. "YOU are irritated and disturbed at MY insensitivity!" "Why not cut those struggling people some slack? YOU ask?" "Hah! Because YOU want ME to cut YOU some slack. Right?"
I found that this type of the AV Recognition Technique directed onto my Beast helped generate greater comfort with the language and feeling of separation from my Beast. This, in turn, gave me general relaxation in dealing with AV forces outside myself. And, yes, AV forces generally rule addiction recovery methodologies in the "professional services" world (although they do not in the total recovery picture).
You say you "have not found it very difficult to remain abstinent". That's what you have "not found". What have you found? In other words. What have you Recognized about your AV?
I had been completely detached from engaging with addiction recovery for a long, long time. I re-engaged when I found AVRT being included here on SR a few years ago. My Beast had been long dead and buried, and it was amusing for me to Recognize occasional rhetoric from 6 feet under: a corpse suddenly speaking on the philosophy of moderation. LOL.
You'll get used to IT, and IT will fade away. You will probably also end up being unable to recall what the actual sensation felt like to be under the influence of alcohol! I have.
GT, I read your words and think YES! This is the source of my feelings! What an epiphany! My Beast is not trying "direct action." It has changed tactics and I feel such a fool for not recognizing it sooner. Whereas the Beast used to scream and ROAR now it is whispering in my ear (like a gossipy, $%^&* little high school girl really.)
You ask what I have recognized about my AV. I have recognized it is absolutely relentless and just like any good guerilla warrior it will change its tactics to fit the situation. It isn't getting anywhere with the frontal assault....so it has embarked on a campaign of misinformation and propaganda. Although it is a primitive, base part of myself and I recognize it as such; it knows what I know. It is using my higher, best thinking against me. There was a movie quote I heard once "it knows what scares you, it has from the beginning."
The Beast is manipulating me through anger, irritation, frustration and feelings of being "less-than." Feelings I was attributing to my higher self but are being used by the Beast to make me uncomfortable.
Anger, in particular, is an emotion I never learned to deal with in a healthy way. In my family, I was taught that to express anger was wrong and inappropriate. I drank for years trying to stuff those angry feelings down. The Beast knows this.
I think some of my dissatisfaction with and "intolerance" of other treatment methodologies stems from Beast Activity. I need to adapt just as it has.
Thank you for spectacular analysis, GT and truly constructive insight.
I have much to learn.