Originally Posted by RobbyRobot

In early sobriety I was dead tired. Exhausted. As I later learned, I was holding on emotionally too much. Holding much in letting little out. This took up a lot of mental energies, as well as my musculature always being tense and uptight. It all came down to trust issues with myself as I struggled to overcome my addiction ambivalence and being unsure of my outcome. Sure, I wanted to open up, but the more I tried to loosen up, the more I realized just how far I had gone down the road to oblivion. It was a frightful journey back to the land of the living. I often felt like I was living the nightmare like in Don Henly's "Dirty Laundry" (1982). I really didn't want to know all my lies.

Finally giving in bit by bit was a huge weight of my back, and as I tossed off the baggage, I also gained momentum and renewed energies.