Thanks so much everyone. I am calming down, but almost got physically sick. He got so angry. I fear him, sometimes, honestly. I told him so a few minutes ago. I am sick to admit it to myself. But then again, angry people frighten me. One time I saw a guy pacing, so angry at his girlfriend, or wife, and his body language was so strong, I ran inside the building. he wasn't even within 100 ft of me, but I felt his anger and could imagine him shooting someone. my friends did not even notice. it was outside a mental health building where he was , and we worked next door at an information imaging center. Anger frightens me. probably frightens a lot of people.
I called the psychiatrists office. asked to make an appt. she asked for him to fill out an information survey, to see if they feel they could help him!!! I told her that it was a special situation, and who referred me to this lady in particular. the receptionist said, that they do it opposite. he must get therapy first then they recommend him to the psychiatrist if they think he needs it. I see the sense in that I guess.
she was nice, and suggested to mail it to me. ok. then I had to tell son the plan. that they would want him to fill out survey and see therapists before maybe recommending meds for any anxiety... funny he is denying depression and anxiety now... those were pretty much his fall back reason why he drinks or smokes.. anxiety.
anyway, he still does not like it , but asked who these people are anyway. I told him . he said that if he had a job i would see that he can do better. I told him that if he had a job he would drink, and I cannot have that here anymore. that I would want to hold his money till he gets enough to move out.
no more talk. we are both calmer now. off to work, and I sincerely wish I was off to a corner to cry for a while. sometimes it helps to cry.
love you all. so good to have your support!