What I always wanted from my parents was for them to handle their issues. I wish they did counseling on their own so they could be present for me.
My son is 14 and we have had some ragers but not quite like this. I went into counseling individually, as did he, and we had a chance to come together once I had done some work on my own. It was very helpful.
It's hard bit to escalate when someone is being confusing and aggressive, and yet, we have to try to dial it down. You are human and now the cat is out of the bag, YES YOU ARE HUMAN. As we always say, the only thing you can control is you. I'd get into counseling to resolve whatever is yours to own, and let your daughter know just that.