makomago

Hi Hap... I'd love to suggest 'then Don't'. But I appreciate such nonsense suggestions usually aren't appreciated :-)

I'll share my similar situation and see where and how that works. Family wedding in two weeks, I'm going. I driving my Mum and her partner. She is drinking again her partner thought home brew would be ok for someone with alcoholic dementia, pancreatitis and sundry other issues.

My Youngest sisters partner is an alcoholic in full flight. He's getting nasty. I might find her and my nephew (aged 1) in my spare room sometime soon.

I'm hooked into the giving my Mum a ride (3 hours in the car, yikes!). I can't get out of it, my foolish partner offered to help.

And then, of course, there will be two days of 'celebrations', listening to shared and heavily sanitised stories dressed as happy memories - No-one mention the drinking, the breakups, the smashed house, the arguments, the fights, the suicide attempts, problem drinking etc etc etc etc

The family secrets we'll all pretend we don't know... And so on.

Well, I'm in. I'm going, my two youngest daughters are bridesmaids (they're really excited).

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....

But I'm not going partake of the dysfunction. Obviously, I'm not going to drink. But I'm not going to play the games either. And when it reaches a point that I want 'out' I shall retire gracefully to my room and read a book, or some such.

The courage to change the things I can....

I hope to retire, or remove myself at an appropriate time so as not to spoil any fun my kids or partner are having. Nor to interrupt proceedings, or be unpleasant, or rude to anyone.

My exit plan is in place

And the courage to know the difference.

For the record, I'm future tripping (too) and dreading the whole thing, so I'm just going now accept that I've made sufficient plans to get out when I need to. My partner knows and is happy with this.

And I'm back in that circle again;

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, etc etc

BTW: My plan includes being where I am supposed to be at the latest not the earliest, without interrupting affairs. It includes leaving soonest rather than latest, when the time is right. It includes talking most to those that I'm prepared to, or those that will listen to me (looks like I'll be playing with my kids then, hoorah) :-) and talking least to those with the most dysfunction (that'll NOT talking be my side of the family then).

I'm not convinced that is a whole lot of suggestions, but if I were to summarise; I've set my boundaries, I've got a vague outline of a plan and I intend to stick to them unless things go better than planned, or better than my future tripping predicts, or experience has shown.

Good Luck

Mako