Sorry...
Was kinda caught up in my own thing there.
But.. what twigged me about your comment was the "being present" part.
So much of the time I feel uncared about. Unheard.
I know that it's immature and I feel like an idiot.
But always feeling like I'm an .... afterthought.
I told him that when he was actively drinking and did things with us, it was more stressful for me. I felt that he was always thinking of other things (beer and whiskey) and even though he was going through the motions of family times, it was not sincere.
That as well.
My guy is stoned all the time. And the drinking is always in the wings. Fun time just ain't fun without the booze.
I don't know...
I don't know what to think or feel anymore. It just seems that no matter what I do... I still hurt.
My daughter tells me to become indifferent. The wise women tell me to detach. So... I guess the path to no pain is to just not care anymore.
Doesn't seem right to me...
Anway... I hope this explained my last post. It really brought up the feeling of how it "could" be.
And I know it's very dumb to focus on that.