Welcome J2911! As an alcoholic who got sober only after things got really bad, I am absolutely amazed at the clarity you have to see that things were progressing down a path you didn't like. You rock!!! I think if I could go back and tap my old self on the shoulder and warn her about the path she was on, I'd tell her to be honest about her drinking. I think drinking out of boredom or to alleviate negative feelings is when I my fall from grace really accelerated. I maintained a normal to bordering on abusive relationship with alcohol until I found myself alone and isolated. Alcohol then went from something I enjoyed to becoming a companion.
Loneliness was a killer for me. I found myself stuck in my own head and I developed anxieties and self hate because of the thoughts that swirled through my head. I did not like myself much back then so I drank my fears and angers about myself away. It didn't work very well. Soon, I was so self conscious and anxious that I would drink before leaving the house to "take the edge off." The edge of what? The grocery store? Dinner? To take the edge of life, the universe and everything!
Right now, I work on being of service, accepting myself for who I am, being honest and truthful and reaching out to another human being for help when I need it. Honesty really has set me free. Once I saw the truth of my relationship with alcohol, was honest about what I was seeking from alcohol and what it actually did to my serenity and accepted my role in my drinking and the role I can play in my sobriety, I found a new life opened up before me. The scales fell from my eyes and I was struck sober.
I did not get myself sober. I tried to get myself sober for years and it only worked in fits and starts. My Higher Power entered my life and removed my desire to drink. I had become willing to accept it and it came immediately. I had events occur that could only be explained as my Higher Power reaching out and touching my life. I get misty eyed right now thinking about it. Reach out to your God and invite Him into your life. Admit your relationship with alcohol to Him and ask him to take it from you. Our Higher Powers are amazing. I found that once I became willing to trust my HP to take care of the problems in my life that were too much for me, it did! Not always the way I want and often not in my timeline but it happened because I was willing to turn it over.
Welcome to our little group. I hope you find the support and advice you're looking for here.
