Some off topic stuff....and some not
My family is dealing with a family crisis right now as my grandfather(in FL) is dying and in late state kidney failure. He's 91 and had a beautiful and healthy life up until now but these late stages before death are really sending the family for a loop. He's suffering from delirium and he's basically having psychotic episodes where my grandmother (she's 87) is at her wit's end. My mom is down there and I communicate with her daily as I'm helping her make phone calls to hospice facilities and care givers and memorial service stuff. I know it's weird but it's hard to hear my mom struggle. She was always the strong one, the supportive one, the stoic one, etc. She sounds exhausted emotionally right now and I wish I could just go down there and give her a hug. Well, her and my grandmother too, because my grandmother is really suffering, as well. He curses at her, he takes off all his clothes and tries to leave the house saying that he wants to go home. Before they had hospice 24/7, she actually had to call the police because he was getting physical with her.
Anyway, that is stressing me out mainly because I'm trying to help from a distance. I am very close to my grandparents and wish I could be there, but I'm not even sure I could handle it, if I were.
And, my situation at home is tenuous, as always. AH has been going to AA for 3 weeks now but he has now started drinking NA beer again. I know that NA beer is no biggie for some people, but for him I think it's a gateway to going back to the real stuff. It's what he used 4 years ago to mix with real beer when he was hiding it from me early on. He even admitted at one time that the NA beer helped him hide his addiction. UGH, time to put the focus back on my program, I know that. Just right now, though, I feel so emotionally drained and worn out.
I am praying that my grandfather passes peacefully and that this agitation phase is short lived. I have been through this hospice routine when my own dad died and it's hard to watch my mother now lose her father, just as I lost mine. I guess it all comes back in memories and I'm tearing up now, so I think I'll stop.