I attend AA and it's fairly common for those within AA to say they saw or spoke with so and so at another meeting. So I too think it may be an unspoken theory that it's okay to share with those involved with AA about others...as for those outside of AA it's definitely not okay to share about who or what was seen and heard at a meeting.They have open meetings for this : )
As for the shame aspect, I dealt with this for a long time and it actually kept me out of the rooms of AA. Today I accept who I am and the disease I was born with and I'd rather save my a** than save face! Today I tell people all the time that I'm a member of AA and hope to continue to spread the message of hope and recovery! One thing that comes to mind is principles before personalities.
Hoping for serenity for you concerning the situation.