it's ok perhaps to miss someone or something you no longer want or can live with in your life? Maybe this thinking is dangerous or just simply unproductive but it's what's going on.
Emily,
there were things i missed, or at the very least thought i missed, which seems to amount to the same thing at those times
and these kinds of thoughts weren't dangerous for me because i could use them to help me figure out what it was i was really missing.
sometimes, it would be understanding. connection. other times, it would be relief. yet other times, i wanted intensity. or to avoid intensity.
looking at the "missing-thoughts" helped me identify what i needed, and what i didn't know how to get.
i used those thoughts as a tool, or a clue to myself.
i assumed they weren't about the booze itself, but about me.
and yes, the longer you're stopped, the more your brain has a chance.