Originally Posted by
idledreamer 
He is immature. He is five years older than me and it is slowly becoming clear that his mental age is younger than me. I just want to shake him sometimes and tell him that he has an amazing girlfriend who loves him and if he could just get his act together it could be great. But I'm afraid he won't. It's so frustrating.
Luckily for me, my mom is the queen of emotional manipulation. So while I feel extreme guilt, I know how to stand my ground against it.
You shouldn't have to "stand your ground" against emotional manipulation. Sounds like this history with your mom is why you are accepting this unacceptable behavior.
This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. It is simply what you are used to. I also grew up with a lot of unacceptable behavior in my family of origin. For many years I gravitated toward that in adult relationships because that's what I was used to. A big surprise to me has been learning that everyone in the world is not abusive, manipulative, mentally ill or a substance abuser. Just the ones I was attracted to.
Working on that now with Alanon and individual therapy.