You are not alone in your dark place.
I am sitting right beside you.
3 years ago when I ended our relationship, I never thought I would be walking this path again. I made the decision to be done, and I meant it.
I pretty much avoided the world for a year. (which I do not recommend), I could function throughout the day, but at night when I went to bed, my thoughts and emotions really got the best of me. Countless nights of crying myself to sleep, until one day there simply were no more tears to cry.
I got a bit too cocky in my recovery and healing. I would read someone else's post
(who was struggling) and I just could not find the empathy, or compassion. In my head I would be thinking, " well you dummy, you asked for it." LOOK at who you are with.
Another member pointed out to me that they are our drug of choice, and while I wasn't instantly able to embrace that concept, with additional thought, I do believe that to be the case. We know they are not good for us, we know that nothing good is going to come of it, yet we refuse to surrender.
It's easier to live life when the choices are actually yours. In your situation, he made the choice, and you're stuck living in the consequence of someone else's choice, and that is never an easy pill to swallow.