Thank you Hevyn and FT, for the kind words. I am still getting used to recognizing that the AV isn't really me, it's the basest part of me. It felt like me for so long that the separation still feels abnormal. I know I shouldn't even acknowledge it, but it gets in there just the same. We are at war right now, and tonight the battle is RAGING.
I just keep going back to 1. "I do not drink and I will not change my mind." I am repeating it like a mantra every time these stupid thoughts appear.
It is really angry that I don't believe it's lies anymore.
Thanks for listening.