Hi, Bettymurderdam--welcome to SR. Sorry for the turmoil and heartache of the past few years, and hoping you find what you need here.
Have you thought about why you'd work so hard to "make" a relationship work when you're being shown and told pretty clearly that the other party isn't interested? Please don't take offense to that; an awful lot of folks here have been in your shoes. A lot of times we have codependency issues, or we grew up in a household w/an active addict of some type, so this feels like normal behavior to us.
For starters, I'd like to suggest reading as much as you can here, and don't miss the stickies at the top of the page. Threads from these 2 headings might be a good place to begin:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
I think as you read other people's stories, you'll see a lot of similarities, and you'll know you're not alone. I hope you learn and grow in your time here. Wishing you strength and clarity moving forward.