High-functioning alcoholic - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Thanks for posting this! When I first came on this site, I was looking for the same thing...and still looking.
So much of what you said sounds like a parallel to my life. My father goes to work every day and is well respected, but starts drinking the moment he gets home. I was in shock recently when speaking with my counselor as I realized there REALLY had been physical abuse by my father. It just didn't fit the stereotype (punch in the face, whip across the back, etc). He used the belt for spanking for a while, would occasionally pull hair, and was extremely intimidating. I remember when I got big enough that I said, "leave me the hell alone or I will beat your ass" - the intimidation stopped after that.
I never really viewed his behavior as abusive. I am questioning that now.
I was in my counseling session today wondering about this stuff. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Thus, is it simply that my father hasn't passed that point where society starts to finally say, "oh, he's not functioning anymore". Will that happen at all? How often do high functioning alcoholics stay that way? I'm not sure and wish I knew.
I felt upset with myself that I wished that the disease becomes more obvious to my family and my father. Will he finally go off the deep end so people will wake up and get a clue?? Maybe when he retires and his work is no longer there for him to white-knuckle his "functionality"?
It's a major conundrum for me - His ability to function in society completely propagates and supports many of my family members denial that anything is even wrong.
Yet, when I go to Al-Anon. The first day, I'm in a rush of tears. Full grown man blubbering about how different my father was when he cut-out the hard liquour. That much change when he was only cutting back!
My suggestion would be to attend Al-Anon or read as much literature as you can on alcoholism. You might be surprised at how much hits you right in your heart. Communication is one of the first "deaths" of alcoholism. People just don't do it - and if we do it, it's not done very well at all. Family members gossip about one another - we criticize one another relentlessly, etc.
I could go on and on about how the "functioning" alcoholism of my father has impacted my family and their behavior (no boundaries, enmeshment, etc).
I will take a breath and wait for some experience, strength, and hope from other forum members.
Awesome topic - thanks so much!
(PS - the Al-Anon website had a 20-question quiz for those that grew up with a problem drinker - I answered "yes" to over half of them when supposedly just one or two was enough to say, "you might want to go to a meeting and find some serenity and peace for yourself" - 1. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation? - crap, I'm such a people-pleaser that hit me square in the kisser - and to think - that's a symptom of growing up with someone with the disease of alcoholism!)