I agree with you as far as breaking the cycle goes. There is no alcoholism in my family (grandparents included). But, my mother told me recently that one of the reasons my dad can be so emotionally unavailable is because he grew up in a house where they never told one another "I love you". I was raised by both of my parents telling us that all of the time. Although if my dad has had a few drinks & is in a cheerful mood, he will go to extremes to tell us he loves us. On the other hand, if he's not in the best of moods, he gets very critical and hurtful. He raised me to be the best I could be-but that meant just like him! He was an accountant for 2 years, & since then is the CEO of a company. So I followed in his footsteps in order to please him, & graduated from Business School. I got a very good, well paid job doing sales for FedEx. He has never been so proud of me! But I eventually quit because my stress & anxiety couldn't handle the pressure of the job. He doesn't understand mental illness AT ALL. And when I took a job as an Event Coordinator (I'm very creative), he was just glad I had a way to pay the bills, & constantly asking when I would find something better. This is just an example of how I've always felt & needed to seek his approval. Recently, I've been attending al-anon meetings as often as I can. They're very encouraging & beneficial, BUT I still feel like I'm the only one whose relationship isn't with a full blown drunk! I live in a small town & there aren't any ACOA programs here, or Codependents Anonymous. So, I'm feeling lost as far as finding support. But I'm not giving up! You mentioned passing this on to your children. Well, I'm 33 & single (ALWAYS attracted to addicts), & I fear that God will never bless me with a husband, & if he does, it will be too late to have children. On the other hand, I realize that I have to learn to get to know & trust myself before being involved in a relationship. But I've been doing a lot of self discovery. Awareness is the first step to acceptance! And with my hard work, I hope to eventually find the new me. The me who feels like I have a purpose, who knows what makes me happy, someone who can set boundaries, & finally learn to trust myself! Thanks so much for sharing!!! Any literature you could recommend?