Old 06-19-2014, 12:27 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
hopeful4
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yup. It is normal. Even after they have done all they have done, we are still concerned about them. You have to stop and let him step up and be a man, or don't. He has to face what is happening to him and that it is a direct result from HIS ACTIONS.

I am the same, huge support system, wonderful family, all sorts of things. He has his sister, that's about it, and she is sick of him. It's his own fault. Same deal, he could have been more involved, his choice. You are the only one he has because of his choices. You are just letting him make you feel that way, it's not reality.

The attorney will guide you through. Listen to them. Don't let your heart get in the way of your brain. Why are you obligated to speak to him at all about seeing an attorney? You don't have to say a word.

Myself, I spoke w/my X (did not listen to any of the quacking) all via text and email (and have saved every single one in case I need them). I advised him he had two choices. We could go for a divorce that we both agreed on everything in advance and then file. Or we could both retain attorneys and fight it out. I let him know if we did that, I would be using all evidence I have (and it's a lot) to go for an at fault divorce with supervised visitation if any and make him pay for as much as possible. He opted for the first choice. I drew all of what we agreed on into a document, we had it notorized, and then I took it to an attorney friend of mine(who is my attorney, not his), and we filed. We had to have the judge changed just recently b/c I know the other judge, but it should be final within a month. Very cut and dry.

He did tons of quacking and every time he would try to guilt me, I would put the focus back to the kids. I kept all emoations out of it, which was hard b/c I am bitter about a lot of stuff. Eventually he basically saw I would not participate in his craziness and he has reigned it in. Much better. He had to come to acceptance this was actually happening and that no matter what he said or did, nothing was going to change my mind.

He has moved 95% of his stuff out of the house. He still has a little bit of stuff there. I was all anxious to get it out but now not as much b/c I've broken my leg and everything just sort of came to a screaming halt at my house. That's ok too, he has a little more time to get it all out.

He is quite resentful of the help I get from family and friends, emoationally I mean. He resents that. He also resents that my family is helping me financially around my house with some renovations (he has already signed off on the house). I could not care less what he is resentful about.

Be strong. Keep the focus on the children and moving forward. Prepare to harden yourself against any guilt you may feel. You did nothing wrong, you know you should not feel guilty.

Big Hugs. PM me anytime, I truly understand what you are going through.
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