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Old 06-17-2014, 09:39 AM
  # 63 (permalink)  
Praying
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
I really hope you are right Liz, for your son's sake if nothing else. However, my gut tells me this is just another well played card in a long series of manipulations. He's been holding this "ace" up his sleeve for a very, very long time because it's a BIG one & just when you are the closest you've EVER come to independence during this struggle, he decides to use it as trump.
IMO what matters is whether you let it sway you on your boundaries/your goals which is why (again, IMO) you need to be very clear with YOURSELF about how much, how long, what exactly you want out of all of this without waiting to make those decisions based on his recovery success or failure.
Well spoken words of caution. The flip to "I see it now, I am an alcoholic" with a little "our marriage might be too far gone" sprinkled in is a dangerous cocktail for you. It pulls at your need to try harder too. There's no way of knowing what will come until his ACTIONS play out, so the best you can do is proceed cautiously.

In my situation that proclamation re-hooked me, changing the amount of guilt I took on for not being supportive and understanding enough while he "tried" and behaved poorly. I hit the trampoline and started jumping through hoops again, because FireSprite is right-- it's the trump card. It was a game-changer!

In any case, if you keep moving forward in your path, that card can only be played once (if you don't allow it over and over and stick to your own recovery)...so whether it's a bluff or not will show itself, and you'll be ready either way. Keep taking care of you, and please watch with cautious detachment.

I often thought the best recovery for an addict would be that they have to drop off their voice box at a repository and rely only on their actions for a year. It would sure simplify a lot!
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