The year was what I held out for. I thought if he could at least make it one year that I could survey the landscape and know I wasn't leaving or hanging on for the wrong reasons.
My STBXAH never made it a year.
But I spent that eight or nine months building myself up in counseling, educating myself about addiction and co-dependency, and learning to sit back and observe instead of rushing in. I was only sometimes successful with the last part. We had relative peace for most of that time, then another epic relapse and I was SO done that I don't think I shed another tear for him since.
By the end of that phase in my recovery, I knew my kids and I deserved better, and I wasn't willing to settle for any less.