Originally Posted by
lizatola 
The big question I have to answer is: how many XXXXX amount of time sober and in recovery is needed for me to be able to honestly try again in the marriage? I don't have an answer to that right now.
AA recommends waiting a year before starting a new romantic relationship. That is not an option for those who are married, but it does give a sense for how much continuous sobriety it take for a new routine and perspective to solidify. The emotional rollercoaster the alcoholic experiences in the first 3-6 months can be difficult - overlay a marriage with years of distrust, bad habits, and expectations on top of this can be too much for either/both to handle.
If it were possible to maintain limited interaction and expectations for six to twelve months, I think that would be best. I don't know that that is realistic, but Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was his addiction. If you want to see if this is going to work in the long run it's going to take some time to give it the space to run its course to find out.