I am realising just how screwed up I am,
I have not heard from my mother for my birthday, it would have been fine if she hadnt sent one of our mutual friends to email me and ask me to email the mother so she could send me birthday wishes. so after wanting to cut contact other than snail mail, I gave in, emailed her, and suprise suprise have heard nothing back, one of my good friends was going to come and see me for my birthday and then for some reason has ignored me ever since, I really wanted to catch up with him as it's been awhile and nothing, Now I understand why I hate birthdays!!!! I do everything to make others people birthdays real special, well no more, I hate people, I hate myself, I hate my life, Im so sick of it all.
Sick of trying to keep everyone happy, and not worrying about myself.
Well on the weekend just gone, I had a bloke climbing through my bedroom window at 7am!!!
Turns out it was a real estate agent trying to get in next door as someone locked the keys in there, this guy was lucky, I have a huge, very sharp hunting knife next to by bed, which he nearly made friends with.
Apparently he was mortified and sent me a big bunch of flowers to say sorry, needless to say I have now locked all doors and windows, blocked them off, and moved my bedroom to the middle of the house where there are no windows.
I am a single female living alone, and I thought I was pretty tough but now I am sorta scared. I feel I am losing it more and more each day, I feel I am turning into my mother without the alcohol though.
I hate it, I hate it all. I can't handle much more, Im so alone and lost.
:mog