Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I know it sounds counter-intuitive but I really am struggling with the idea of him being in recovery. It's like I am looking for reasons to get back on the merry go round, like I want the drama, and like I am looking for trouble. Does that make sense to anyone? I don't think I'd know what to do with him if he were communicative, kind, respectful, hardworking, energetic, inspired, etc etc.
Maybe I'm afraid that I'd have to do a lot more changing too, and that scares me? Or, maybe I'm just afraid that we'd both change so much that we'd have to move on anyway, even after recovery? GAH, I think too much, LOL!
I do
kinda get it, many non-recovered Codies probably fear their qualifiers recovery attempts for these reasons too - it means they have to change & get dragged out of their own comfort zone as a Codie where ~right or wrong~ they prefer to deal with the "Devil they Know". I've read often on the other side of the forum about situations where the A tries to get sober but their F&F seem to dig in their heels against the addict's recovery to keep the status quo because they are more comfortable with the dysfunction than they are facing the unknown.
But you aren't blind like that Liz, you are IN recovery yourself & have been for a significant time. If you have to "change" to fit in around his recovery, something is wrong, right? You have no more of a guarantee about what tomorrow brings whether he is in a healthy, active recovery or if he is blowing smoke about the whole thing. It's future tripping either way.
BTW - I don't think you are necessarily looking for reasons to "get back on that merry-go-round" as you are expecting it as a possibility because it's possible/likely based on past behavior. I do agree with SK here though - it's a very insidious & subliminal way of wandering over to his side of the street to give too much thought to this kind of stuff. Give yourself a break - when it comes up internally agree to NOT think about those things until he has shown you XXXXX amount of time sober & in recovery ..... & then cross back to your side of the street.
