Chicory,
I, too, think the mental illness must be addressed first. If you go in with him there is no reason not to speak up. He will probably get mad at you but so what?
It is very hard to accept that one has a serious mental illness that impairs oneself to live a normal life. I know this first hand. It took me between 5 and 6 years to accept that I was not going to "turn a corner" with just another 3 months or so and be able to return to work. I did not want to apply for disability but the time came when I had to.
If I were to suggest something it would be to use all your power to get him into therapy. He has the insurance. many pdocs rush thro appmts and only prescribe. It sounds like he needs antidepressants at the least. No ethical dr will prescribe those anxiety meds based on one visit. Some antidepressants also help with anxiety, it just takes about 8 weeks for them to really thoroughly kick in. When suffering that 8 weeks can seem an eternity.
I'd also kick his butt to get his food stamps back. Tell him you require that at least as a contribution.
(((((hugs)))))