I've read your back story (I used to post under a different name and changed it for privacy reasons) and I have to admit my first thought was
does it matter? And I mean that with all due respect. But at this point does it matter if he quits drinking? Will that change his untreated narcissism? Will it change the core of who he is? My XRAH is 7 months in recovery and well we are friends but we were friends when I left - what was lacking in the marriage is still lacking (the romance)...and bottom line is my XRAH is not romantic and never will be - has NOTHING to do with drinking. I've found many of the core issues in our marriage had nothing to do with drinking (the drinking exacerbated some things and covered others up by letting me focus on that and not the real issues) - mainly we were friends more than partners and secondly my XRAH does not like to share emotions much and well doesn't find that an issue. Eeeek - and LOL at the same time. :/
I guess what I'm saying is for me I've learned that to be happy I NEEDED to leave that marriage (be it temporary or permanent that remains to be seen)...and that was regardless of if he drank or not. The quitting drinking with a recovery program didn't solve our issues and it didn't solve me sticking in a relationship just to have a relationship/good image...I needed to get out be myself and learn who I am. It's not impossible the notion we could get back together but it wouldn't be possible at all if I hadn't had this time to find me and realize the relationship is not the end all be all of me....not even close.
That's just my experience - it may not apply...so take what you want and leave the rest.
