Old 06-09-2014, 07:36 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Txhelp
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
It's hard to tell if you are enabling your husband...with what you wrote.

However, when you love someone and are trying to figure this out....it's VERY common that you end up enabling. I did.

I have to say...my husband was sober for about 12 years. We were married about 1 1/2 years ago. About 4 months into our marriage, he relapsed. I knew something was up but excused it to other reason. I figured it out after he was using for about 4 months. Once I figured it out, and asked for a drug test. He was promptly kicked out.

I was done enabling anyone in my life. You see I have 2 young adult children that have put me through the process of detaching for the last 5 years (due to their drug use.) I knew that whatever I did, for them, NEVER ONCE DID IT HELP. Not once.

My husband didn't stand a chance. I was done enabling anyone much less my PARTNER. The one that I was ALSO supposed to depend on. It wasn't a one-sided street.

Two weeks after I kicked him out...I was waiting for something to change. My tolerance was low. I had the attitude of "life is too short." I told him "the pain is to much to wait for you to change. I will be taking action (divorce) tomorrow. He had reasons for not getting help. I was used to hearing those from my kids. Mind you, while he is using, my son is in rehab. My husband knew the H*ll that my kids put my through. Nothing changes until something changes.

I no longer cared about HIS reasons. The next day, I received a phone call, from him. He went into his work HR and told them "i have a problem." The rest of the story. He went to rehab and is currently in recovery.

He states "I picked up where I left off...12 years ago." He knew where he was headed. The cycle had already begun when I kicked him out. He knew that he would lose his job and probably his life as he is not the 20-30 year he once was...

It doesn't always go this way. I do know that I HAD to protect myself. It wasn't about love.
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