I'm 39 now, back when I was 26 I was at about the same place. I was a binge drinker who maybe drank twice a week (friday/saturday). The idea of drinking every day sounded crazy. Slowly though, things change and things become less shocking. I worked my way up to drinking every day, blackouts and hangovers became more frequent. While I could come up with an excuse for why I got drunk when I was young, I can't any more because it is so frequent. 10 drinks a week became 40 or 50 or maybe 100 on vacation. I haven't progressed to "hair of the dog" morning drinking to relieve hangovers, but if I don't quit I will probably end up there.
I’m starting to think that maybe it is impossible to predict how much I will drink, even during good periods.
This has been one of my red flags that I've lost control. I might have a good night and only have two drinks, and then drink two or three bottles of red wine myself the next night. Unpredictable. Trying to figure it out for me is simply denying the addiction.
I want to know whether it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, which might even mean long periods of abstinence, without the abstinence and thus alcohol becoming the centre of my life and my attention.
Some people can only have a few drinks. You have to honestly answer that for yourself if you think you can moderate. I've spent the past 15+ years breaking promises to myself and trying to moderate unsuccessfully. I've counted drinks, taken time off from drinking, tried to drink only light beer, etc. Once I get the first drink in my system though, I lose the resolve to stick to any limits.
Even if I was to be able to moderate my drinking, I’ve started to think that maybe I don’t want to. It’ll probably be easier to make a firm choice instead, and choose complete abstinence.
This is where I am. I don't want to go to the next level. I've woken up from drinking with the shakes once, it's horrible. I can't imagine the pain people on this board go through with full blow physical withdrawal from alcohol, I've only had a small taste of it. I don't need to prove to myself that I am a "real" alcoholic, I want to enjoy the rest of my life without drinking.
Whatever you choose, welcome!