Originally Posted by
LifeRecovery 
Liz
For me the fear kicks in when I am already ten steps ahead of myself.
Once I am on that crazy train it is hard for me to step off. With practice and patience I am finding how much easier it is when I try not to step on. I am far from perfect at it, but it has gotten easier. I do best when I am proactive, not reactive....then I don't slide down into the fear.
In this case, for me calling and trying to make plans when he was away = set up because you know he might be drinking. I would be spiralling as a result.
Is there a way you could have stepped back earlier in the process so you could have been proactive instead of reactive?
Not in this case. I was just asked this AM to share at a Thursday meeting so I wanted to see if AH could handle driving ds to tennis. Since he still has the interlock on the car, I don't worry about him driving ds around and I really wanted to get back to her ASAP so that she could find a back up in case I couldn't do it. This isn't my home meeting because I don't commit to meetings where I know there's always a chance that I can't depend on AH to help out, so my home meeting is on Friday nights, when AH won't be traveling for work, and I try to fill my week with at least 1-2 other meetings when I can.
In most cases, I am usually ahead of the game. I stopped relying on AH to help many years ago, even before the drinking started.
Thank you, Florence, as always for your input! I would love more clarity on how you see detachment as becoming it's own codependency. I think that thought has a lot of merit here and I 'think' I understand but would love a discussion on it, too!