Thanks to all for the helpful thoughts and support. Really good food for thought. I will check out an AlAnon meeting. I've started going to CoDependents Anonymous and that has been really helpful b/c I realized I've been so focused on what he says/he thinks/his view and I've completely lost my compass. AlAnon would be good to try out. My words feel inadequate in thanking each of you for your helpful perspectives. The point about waiting for a spectacular incident totally resonates with me as I keep thinking that something like that would give me the final push that I need. I also keep finding myself wishing it weren't so and wanting him to be ok. And the idea that if I am not with him how will I know that he is ok, b/c I so desperately want him to be ok. I get in my head that it is not my responsibility yet I've been thinking this way for so long it is hard to break it. This separation may give us both the head space to see the issues and address them. And the point about only him being able to acknowledge the problem is spot on - it doesn't matter what I say - it has to come from him. It's kind of ironic isn't it that in this dance the alcoholic partner so vehemently defends his own point of view without a 2nd thought for the other's point of view, and the other (spouse, family, etc) oftentimes also vehemently adopts that alcoholic's point of view at the expense of their own? So 2 people validating one point of view, and nobody advocating for the other! I have glimmers where I get my own perspective and feel strong in my conviction - sometimes it lasts for just a few hours and sometimes just a few minutes, and then I slip back. But at least I am starting to see those glimmers - and I'm holding on tight to them! THANK YOU for the support and warm welcome.
