New here. This may be kind of long, but here's A little back story... We've been together for about 4 years, married for almost 2.. Before we started dating, he used to have an OC addiction, but got clean and sober and started his own business.
A year ago, my husband met some old buddies of his and they began to smoke bud. In the fall he also tried some painkillers. In the winter he began to act more distant and depressed. & we also found out we're pregnant. Finally in January he came clean that he had occasionally been using heroin for a couple of weeks. He went through withdrawals and stopped using for about 2 or 3 weeks, then relapsed in February.. Our life began to revolve around this addiction.. Vacations and trips all had to be planned around how he would get his fix. It was a very lonely time for me, especially being pregnant with our first child. He kept saying he was going to quit, but that he had to taper off first. He kept postponing it, out of fear of withdrawals. Fast forward to the beginning of this month: his probation officer came to check up on him unannounced to our new house (he has been on unsupervised probation and was 5 months from finishing it completely and getting off). He tested positive for opiates, and they also found a pack of syringes. He got taken to jail overnight. This was a wake up call for him, seeing how quickly he could lose everything. He got out, used a small dose once, then waited 24 hours to start on suboxone. It didn't help much, and he didn't want to use it for too long, so he cut off using that too after about 4 days. The physical withdrawals haven't been too bad, just some chills/leg twitches/trouble sleeping at this point. But emotionally, I don't even know what to do anymore :/ his business hasn't been going very well recently, so he hasn't had work. We sit at home & he gets really bored and depressed and hopeless about life. He gets irritated and says he's sick of me or that I'm too boring (I'm 7 months pregnant, not exactly the life of the party right now..) it's just really hard trying to assure him that things will get better
he has OCD also, so he feels like even after withdrawals he'll never be "normal" or happy.. Some days he says he wishes he was dead and that he had overdosed & that I had just left him when we first met so that he didn't ruin my life. It hurts feeling like me and our future son aren't enough to live for.. I wish I could make this all better for him. I try to just love him but sometimes I get so frustrated and hurt and irritated. Not to mention hormonal. I guess I just needed somewhere to let it out.. Because I feel so alone. None of our family knows except his sister. I feel like I'm doing this whole pregnancy alone, and like this whole new chapter of our lives is going to be tainted memories.. In what ways can I support and help him through the mental part of withdrawals? Where he can't really feel any pleasure from life anymore? :/ I feel like he's pushing me away..