Oh NikNox,
I'm not a crier normally, but this one touched a bit too close. It's just so frustrating. Poor girl. I can only hope, (and I truly do believe), that what stands out for her is the support and understanding she's getting from you and her father. That HAS to speak louder than the ridiculous, clumsy, misplaced loyalty of her grandparents.
(My daughter is going to an Alateen conference next weekend. Wooo Hooooo!!!!! I'm sure there will be a lot of prayers and positive energy being sent out for kids like your SD.)