Speaking of the fantastic guy thing: My AH actually tried to apologize to me today. He said he's been working on himself. Without going into detail, I basically said nothing. He said all kinds of stuff that was in his reality and I did my best to not state the real reality(if that makes sense). Some of it was ridiculous and I soooo wanted to defend myself or point out what really happened but I let him have his reality. I even tried to accept his apology and then he said, "for what?". Umm, well, you did start out saying you wanted to apologize to me, although it went in circles at times. He said he loved me.
He tried to blame his anger on the fact that I snubbed his advances after his mom died and I was flying home. He was shoving his tongue down my throat and I had a flight to catch and, quite frankly, I wasn't feeling amorous. I was grieving too. And, what he doesn't know is that just 9 days before she died, his mother told me, "Liz, he's never going to change. Kick him out." She didn't even know about the drinking or the DUI, this was just about his behavior and attitudes which she was quite familiar with. So,yeah, I snubbed him. I found his advances to be inappropriate and a turn off.
So, I am proud of myself for not getting into an argument, for not pointing out what REALLY happened, and for trying my best to just listen. It probably didn't go very well, I think he wanted me to jump in and say something, but maybe it's at least a start for his own recovery. Who knows? Please tell me why I feel guilty right now, too? Like I should have hugged him or told him that all will be OK or maybe I should have been kinder, instead of like a rock sitting on the couch? Sigh...this is not easy.