It seems so many of us had to be the mini-adults in our families. (I remember being a freshman in high school and someone in class made a remark that I acted like I was 40, and the whole class laughed, like they agreed) My mother asked me when I was still a teenager to tell my sister how to get an abortion. (I had no clue.) My mother, to this day, will pretend like she didn't know that my sister got an abortion. My sister was gang raped by a group of boys when she was a teenager and that became one of the "family secrets." My parents chose to do nothing about it because my sister was drunk at the time, so they felt she probably didn't remember it correctly (or, partially deserved it). They said they didn't want to bring more shame to her. We never really discussed it much as a family after it happened. My sister called me at college to tell me about it and she got in trouble because I was so upset, I came home. My sister obviously rebelled and acted out as a child: I was the pleaser child, the "favorite." I had a lot of guilt and shame about that, but my therapist said that in abusive families, it is very abusive to you, a helpless child, to watch one of your siblings be abused, even if you aren't being abused. I also resented my sister's "f-u" attitude towards my parents, sometimes, because I felt so trapped in the "pleaser" role, yet so fearful to break out.
My heart hurts for all of you and your stories. I am so sorry for everything that you have been through. I am so sorry for your stolen childhoods.