I am just starting to explore the acoa steps. I never looked at it before because my parents were not alcoholics or substance abusers. I stopped drinking in February of this year. In recovery I've recognized and begun to untangle myself from codependencies.
I wasn't beaten, starved, molested or denied education as a child. We were of average means. My parents divorced when I was 10, and emotionally abandoned me. My mother moved every 6 months to a year from that point on. In fact she's moving again at the end of this month and I have stopped pleading with her to change her ways. My stepmother didn't like me, and my father gave up his weekend custody of me because I was not welcome in "her" house. Ironically "her" house was the one I shared with my mother and father before they divorced. Within a year of the divorce, at age 11, I developed a disabling anxiety disorder with panic attacks and agoraphobia. My relationships as a teenager and adult have been challenging.
I'd like to take this journey with you. I recognize so much of myself in the acoa laundry list. I've carried so much self blame and self disgust - my stepmother doesn't like me because I'm me. I've felt so much grief - my father chooses to meet an adult's needs instead of his child's. I've felt so much shame - I'm embarrassed at what my friends' parents say about my mother who cannot make responsible adult decisions.
Admitting that my mother, father and stepmother's behavior wasn't my fault then and isn't now, surrendering that it never was, nor will ever be, in my power to change is liberating.