New to dealing with alcoholism and confused
Let me start by saying I felt this was the best place to come for opinions on my situation and possible answers to my many questions. I have been around someone I believe to be abusing alcohol and I worry about him and I can't help it. I know I need to live my own life and can not change someone who does not recognize they have a problem but I feel their life is spiraling downward and all I can do is watch. So here's where the story begins.
When I was 16 I dated a boy for about a month. That may not seem like a lot but he was my first boyfriend and to this day the only guy I've had real feelings for. (Not "love" though). I ended up breaking up with him because he began partying a lot and using drugs I didn't agree with bc I barely drink and do not smoke or do any drugs to this day. I still cared about him and wanted to remain friends but we went our separate ways and didn't talk for over 5 years. I never forgot about him though and hoped he would turn his life around bc he was still young and I've known his family since I was little especially his grandpa and grandma who basically raised him bc his dad was unable to care for him at the time and his mom walked out a long time ago. (serious drama went on when he was a child). This made me always feel sad for him and understand that he probably has a lot of sadness from this.
Anyways, 5 years later he tries to add me on facebook. I denied his request bc he was too many bad feeling associated with him. I then find that he left me multiple messages saying he wanted to hang out and be friends bc he was going through "extremely rough times of late" and wants to surround himself with good people and that I was always so kind, honest and genuine in every way. He was very adamant about the fact he had changed and kept saying that to me. I said I only wanted to hang out if he really had changed and thought it was weird he was talking to me after so long? And for what reason really??? he was always asking to hang out but I avoided it for about 2 months. When we finally hung out I felt he had changed but somethings still bothered me. And I didnt trust him. He always plays things off around me and tries to make himself seem better than he is bc he knows how I feel about drugs/alcohol. He was also making it clear he wanted to be more than friends and I was hopeful we could but knew in the back of my mind it wouldnt go great forever. Second time we hung out he told me he got a DUI over a year ago. His grandpa also passed away over a year ago and his gf dumped him a few months ago. He didnt say why she did but played it off as her fault though now Im pretty sure she got sick of his drinking. Still doesnt explain what the rough times as of late were??? because all of that happened awhile ago not recently?? anyways 3rd time we hungout he had been drinking and was high. I told him I was disappointed and didnt want to hang out with him like that. but I did anyways. 4th and LAST time we hung out I asked him to hang out. He got to my house late and was completely drunk. He argued he wasnt before going to the washroom then passing out. In the middle of the night he woke up in a sleep walk state and pissed on my carpet/couch. In the morning I told him what happened and that I couldnt hang out with him anymore. he got upset and left. Since then (2 weeks ago) I havent seen him. he texted me that he was really upset and sorry and embarrassed. he texted me at 2 am one morning "I Miss You" "I Just wanna kiss you" clearly he had been drinking. I texted him not to text me when drunk and he replied "There's a difference between drinking and being drunk". He is in denial of how far his alcohol abuse is. He is never awake during the day. Claims to only drinking on the weekend but I know thats not true. Lost his job due to taking a nap on break(probably tired from drinking). Spends all his money on alcohol. Doesn't drive anymore due to insurance (from DUI). and cant have fun or understand how I have fun without drinking. I texted him that I care about him as a friend because I know hes been through a lot. He said he wanted to talk in person but I said i was busy at the time but I would talk with him another time. He hasn't texted me since. What should I do at this point? Im worried about him. Why would he say hes changed when hes only changed for the worse? Why would he contacted me in the first place? I care about him and hope I did the right thing by letting him know I care and he can talk to me if he needs to. To be honest I dont think he feels he can talk about serious matters with his friends and his family either enables or doesn't care at all bc they are messed up or absent.