well hon with your nutjob ex still in the picture and causing all KINDS of DRAMA, you are contantly in a state of high alert, whether you even realize it or not. of course it's hard to slip into a non-drama at-ease state - i don't think it's that you are restless or bored or LOOKING for the craziness to be ok....it's that you have not had the opportunity to just BE ok.
it would take some serious compartmentalizing to on the one hand be ready at all times for whatever comes next from Nutjob AND to simultaneously be all relaxed and zen in other settings. rather like trying to quietly sip tea and take small bites of watercress sandwiches while bombs are dropping all around you!!!!
don't force yourself to feel anything or be anything that you aren't ready to be. it's ok to be YOU and not try to fit into yet another ROLE.