Originally Posted by allforcnm

Addict - Two reasons:
1. What other medical problem asks you to identify yourself by using a label, as if it represents who you are… I do hear people identify themselves as a diabetic from time to time, but its usually to explain why they keep refusing cake at the office party, or why they are the only one not eating at dinner. There is also relatively low stigma attached to saying your diabetic, very untrue of the word “addict” unfortunately.

2. Way too common is the use of the term "addict" to lump every person with an addiction together. To show how ALL ADDICTS think, feel, why they started using drugs, why they stopped. People are not generic.

Codependent - I think its way overused in terms of family members. Its got to the point where if you have an addict or alcoholic in your life your automatically deemed a codependent. If you utter a word about wanting to help your loved one, your labeled codependent. Are you automatically codependent if you want to help your loved one who suffers from major depression, or cancer. Not that Ive seen….

Recovering Addict - I think this is only valid for a short period of time, during acute care for addiction, and transition back to everyday life…. My husband has Recovered from his addiction and now just focuses on leading a healthy life (same as I do – a non-addict).

All Rehabs are the same – Not by a long shot

"He/She didn’t want it bad enough" – for example when someone relapses… there are multiple complex reasons for relapse. Including not getting adequate treatment that meets a persons needs. We don't blame the cancer patient who doesn't get cured with the first treatment, or the person with PTSD who goes through multiple meds or types of therapy in an attempt to get well. Phrases like this place blame... they are not solution based.

"There’s Nothing You can Do to Help an Addict " - As a family member you cant cure addiction. You also cant cure cancer or diabetes. This has nothing to do with “helping”. Can you help a family member who has a major depression? Diabetes? Alzheimer’s? Sometimes….. As a family member you have a great deal of influence, know your loved one probably better than anyone else, may have the ability to help provide access to necessary medical and psychological treatment, be a positive force to motivate, encourage, listen, and to love. All situations are unique.

"If a person doesn’t commit to a program for life then they aren’t serious about recovery" - Most people with addictions recover on their own. Others use recovery resources but eventually move on to live healthy balanced lives without any program.

"If a person wants it bad enough, they will do anything, accept any help offered" …. To a point this is true… but is it the goal for a person to drop so low they are this desperate? People shouldn’t have to submit to any help offered...because its considered their only hope. Options for recovery should rise up to meet each person’s unique needs.

Character or Spiritual Defect - Stigma plus I agree people aren’t defective in such ways, and again addiction happens because of changes in the brain.

"A person in recovery needs to be humble".... I think its true to a point, but way overused and who determines if a person is humble enough?

"It all stems from the Ego" - Being egotistical is not a good trait, but I thought addiction happened in the brain? My husband became addicted after an injury and multiple surgeries… his ego was fine.

Referring to someone as a ‘Slow Learner’ or saying they will ‘get it when they get it’ – Both are condescending, and dont take into account some ideas and concepts about recovery are outright rejected by individuals. The person is not slow, or failing to get it. IT just doesn’t work for them.

Enabling - in terms of family members behaviors… It’s a word that is now associated with showing an addicted person any amount of kindness, friendship, or love. Don’t do anything for anyone they can do for themselves or your enabling. .. Anything , ever? People are becoming afraid to have any interaction for fear its enabling and doing harm. Interactions that might be positive for both parties are being lost due to misconceptions about addiction.

(Your husband is an addict/recovering addict…aka recovered addict)

"Whats wrong with you for being with him ?"
"Your picker is broken"
"You need to work on you" (to figure out why your with him)

Insulting for starters… negative STIGMA against people with addiction issues and their ability to recover long term. Negative stereotyping of the spouse/partner as a troubled soul or codependent. My husband didn’t use drugs until he became addicted to a prescription. I could no more predict it than I could his getting cancer or having a heart attack. He has always been more than an addiction and completely worthy of my love, and capable of being my life partner. If he had been diagnosed as Bipolar (without drug use), with cancer, or became a paraplegic would people ask me the same questions about why Im with still with him?