Hugs luna, and welcome. So glad you posted.
Sounds like you've got a lot of your own identity and happiness staked on a relationship that is tumultuous and sometimes violent.
Nothing you do or say can convince him that he's an alcoholic who needs help. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it.
I too come from a background of turmoil and abuse, and when I was young I felt that the answer to all of my problems would be finding my soulmate. That magic relationship that would heal all of my hurts and last forever.
Mine was perfect in every way, except for the drinking, if only he could stop, I thought thAt everything would be absolutely perfect. But he didn't stop. The violent episodes escalated and got more frequent and the money trouble and the fights and the public humiliation. But he still didn't stop.
I took our son and left because we were no longer safe in that house with him. He is still drinking. I had the same concern- if I leave, what will become of him? The truth is, he will drink whether I am there or not. Nothing I do can alter the course of his disease.
I could and did alter the course of my life, though. Instead of hanging all my happiness on whether or not he was drinking and what his mood was that day, I have begun rebuilding my life. My children and I are safe and happy. I don't have to live in fear of the next big episode.
I've been attending Alanon meetings and doing individual therapy for several months. Those two things have helped me tremendously. So has reading and posting here. Be sure to check out the stickies on the top of the page.
I don't tell you this to try to get you to take a particular course of action, just wanted to share my story so you know you're not alone. Take care.