My soulmate
I am a young girl...I have been through a lot for my age though. I come from an abusive household and survived by a miracle. Two years ago I met my boyfriend...I've never shared anything like this before with anyone. He too has been through a lot of trauma. We relate in every way...but it goes much deeper than understanding one and others pain...we share this beautiful connection that I can only describe as a miracle. I feel as if he has always been a part of me. When we are together we are in pure joy...laughing and having fun...we found this childlike innocence within our relationship and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. We are both rooted in the same passions and philosophies too...we love to write and pray together. This man is simply my other half and best friend.
He has been drinking since before we met though...he started at around 15. I didn't know he was an alcoholic right away. He would drink frequently and say a few hurtful things...I figured he was only drunk...I didn't see that it was something he couldn't control. I sat him down one day and told him that I thought he should stop drinking because he wasn't the same to me when he did...I told him I how much it hurt...and at thought of losing me he stopped for a while...I never had experience with this sort of thing before...I thought it was all better....
When he started drinking again later on in that year it quickly progressed to something much worse. I realized this was an illness he had...he would drink, become sick and very depressed...and I would rush over and take care of him...I couldn't bare to see him suffer. These episodes weren't all of the time...in between everything still would be heavenly...but I couldn't ignore his problem...I could see it was going to kill him...
I have gotten him to go to AA meetings and even gone with him...he has moments when he knows he is an alcoholic...but these moments are brief...he then goes back to saying he has no problem with alcohol...that he can at least have a few drinks...eventually progressing back to blacking out drunk.
This past year has been the hardest...he has become physically abusive and really hurt me several times. I don't see him as a monster or anything like that though...this isn't him...he is under this addiction...the man I love...he is suffering...and that is all I see amid all of this. He did stop smoking pot after those violent moments...he was horrified with himself and broken about what he did. Smoking definitely changed his demeanor...this has made a difference and I am very proud of him. He still can't get past the alcohol though.
I want to spend the rest of my life with him...I will never leave him...I want more than anything to help him reach peace and relief. I love him so deeply. He truly is a good man. He has done more for me than anyone in my life ever has. He is generous and selfless in ways I never knew in others before...his heart is enormous and his soul is so deep. He has brought me closer to God than I ever could have fathomed. He is a such a gift...he just needs help...he has so much to offer.
It's been a few months since he has had any serious episodes. He is drinking a few drinks every day though. He can't seem to stay in awareness that he is an alcoholic...what do I do for him? We live so happily together most of the time...and we are planning to get married soon. I can't watch him on the days he destroys himself though...I feel so helpless...I can't force him into recovery...I can't enable him either...I feel in those moments my life has truly become hell...as I stand there losing the love of my life...I can try to save him...but I can't if he doesn't take my hand...if he doesn't open his eyes to the fact that he's drowning. All I can do is love him unconditionally...try to wrap as much love around him as I can...begging God for his deliverance from this captivity...waiting for the day when our joy and light will always take precedence...waiting because I refuse to have that without him there too.
Please, does anyone have advice for what I can do for him?
I've talked to his family but they are in denial too and even offer him drinks at gatherings. I have talked to a priest at our church who has offered his help...nothing seems to be reaching him yet. I've been told to leave him...that this would wake him up...but honestly he would probably just drink himself to death then...I can't walk away and take that risk...this problem exists whether or not I am there.